It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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