What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
