i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
