As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
