i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
