you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ugly people sure do ruin things
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
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I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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