So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
