Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
