I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
