Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
