I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
