"it" just moved
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
