can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
