Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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