Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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