cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
