My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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