Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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