My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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