watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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