Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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