Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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