Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
