i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
