Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
