Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
