Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
