Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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