My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
