Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
