I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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