How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
