i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
