I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
