I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
