i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
