I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
