I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
