I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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