On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
