you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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