I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
