The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
