i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
