If that was your dad, he is hot
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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