I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
