Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
