How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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