And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
