my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
