If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
