He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
