sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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