I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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