I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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