I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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