it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You took a bar mat shot.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
