were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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