Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
