I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Couch. On fire.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
