So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
