why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
