turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
