My liver just broke up with me...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
