I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
