I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
