I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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