She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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