matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
