glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
