So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
