I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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