you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
