Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
