All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
