i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
