Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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