WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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